Set Boundaries, Find Peace Book Review

 

Title: Set Boundaries, Find Peace

Author: Nedra Glover Tawwab

Genres: Self-help

Published: March 2021

Length:  286 pages 

 “I feel better when I have healthy boundaries in my relationships. I’d rather deal with the discomfort in the short term than resentment and frustration in the long term."

 

Book Summary

Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them--in order to achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family. But what do healthy boundaries really mean--and how can we successfully express our needs, say no, and be assertive without offending others?

Licensed counselor, sought-after relationship expert, and one of the most influential therapists on Instagram Nedra Glover Tawwab demystifies this complex topic for today's world. In a relatable and inclusive tone, Set Boundaries, Find Peace presents simple-yet-powerful ways to establish healthy boundaries in all aspects of life. Rooted in the latest research and best practices used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), these techniques help us identify and express our needs clearly and without apology--and unravel a root problem behind codependency, power struggles, anxiety, depression, burnout, and more. 

Review

Talking about boundaries can sometimes be misunderstood as being selfish or arrogant, especially in cultures that don't acknowledge their importance. However, it's important to understand that boundaries are not one-sided rules used to punish others. Instead, they are a demarcation, where you have yours and I have mine. Boundaries can protect your peace and prevent you from feeling resentful. 

This book takes a complex topic and breaks it down into easily digestible chapters, making the book accessible to readers of all backgrounds and experience levels. At the end of each chapter, there are exercises to help you understand your own boundaries, and a self-assessment quiz to determine whether you have porous or rigid boundaries. 

Furthermore, what I appreciate about Nedra Tawwab's book is how she addresses the common misconceptions and myths surrounding boundaries. She clarifies that boundaries are not about being selfish or isolating yourself from others. Instead, boundaries are about creating healthy and respectful relationships with yourself and others. Tawwab also emphasizes that setting boundaries is an ongoing process and that it requires practice and patience. Overall, Set Boundaries, Find Peace is an insightful and practical guide to help anyone who wants to improve their relationships and well-being by establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.

My favorite quotes slash reminders

"With self-betrayal we dishonor ourselves by failing to live according to our values or failing to show up as an authentic human being. Guilt then sets in, because we know deep down that we’re acting inauthentically. In healthy relationships, it’s acceptable for you to be yourself."

"In healthy relationships, it’s okay, rational, and safe to state your boundaries. It goes both ways, however. You can have them, and the other party may also have them."

"We are not indebted to anyone in this life. We are accountable to some, responsible for others. We are never, however, obligated to take the weight of another’s life on our shoulders." (Iyanla Vanzant's quote cited here)

Honestly, there are many more things that I'd like to quote. I could go on and on with this one. You probably notice that these are "long" quotes, it's because I tried not to leave out the context of what she said.

Highly recommended for people pleasers (and sociopaths)!

My rating: 4.6⭐

If you loved this book you might also enjoy Reasons to Stay Alive, The Comfort Book, Failosophy: A Handbook For When Things Go Wrong